Word of Wisdom: Favor

“Seek not the favor of the multitude; it is seldom got by honest and lawful means.” Immanuel Kant

Recently, a brother and I were talking about Canyon Pathways, when the conversation turned to our unique approach to words: stewarding words well by examining them (as in these Field Notes); giving them (as men experience at our retreats and spiritual direction journeys); and receiving and remembering them (as is our privilege as sons).

He then said, “I’d love it if you would write on the word favor”. To which I replied—with the affection and zeal of one whose love language had just been employed—“I’ll get right on it”.

I mention this at the outset for a couple reasons. One, it highlighted for me how receiving a mission from someone (closely connected to the concept of ‘sub-mission’, by the way) has a catalytic and clarifying element to it, and—importantly—an element of accountability.

Two, the request itself represented my first insight into favor: it conveyed another’s conviction that I was called and capable in this matter, an affirmation of identity and ability that seems quite central to the experience of being favored.

So I commenced the etymological exploration with the fervor, if not the flair, of my childhood icon, Indiana Jones (the Raiders of the Lost Ark iteration, full stop).

And, in a certain sense, it feels as though this search has uncovered not the Ark, but an ark of the covenant that we’ve been invited into as sons.

Favor is an interesting word and concept because it is central to life, yet often sequestered into negative usages, for reasons both mechanical and malign.

It is central in that, if we’re really honest, much of our life is spent seeking it. For many, it’s the favor of humans: a parent, a higher-up, a spouse, a group, a society. For others, it’s the favor we think can be earned from inanimate objects: capital markets or casino tables, the odds or the fates.

For a few, life is simply a race to aggregate and call in as many favors as possible before the bell tolls.

Yet, as often as not, the term shows up in our usage in a negative sense. We might seek favors in the form of assistance, but we tend to tell others to ‘do yourself a favor’ or ask them to ‘do us all a favor’ in order to berate or belittle them. We might favor one thing over another, but when there is a wound or weakness we ‘seem to favor’ whatever is impaired. We probably have a favor-ite food or film, but we also ‘play favorites’ and despise favor-itism (when we are the ones ‘out of favor’).

What then is this thing that so drives and debilitates us? Let’s look to the word itself.

English borrowed the term directly from the Old French favor, meaning ‘approval, praise, partiality’. Its origin is in the Latin favorem, which meant ‘goodwill, inclination, support’; it is possible Cicero had a hand in developing it from the stem of favere (‘to show kindness’). Interesting side note: the Greek word translated into English as ‘favor’ is charis—the same word translated at other times as ‘grace’.

Goodwill. Support. Kindness. Important things—the kinds of things whose absence begins to harden the heart.

Indeed, it may be that a lack of favor does more than anything to drive us into the arms of that most alluring temptress-turned-taskmaster: earning. It is why many of us, like the younger sibling, are content—even desire—to be a servant; serving means earning, and the earning temporarily fills the void in our identity.

But while a servant earns, a son receives.

Perhaps when we do not sense favor—approval, goodwill, support, kindness—it is because we are not receiving. Maybe because we are not perceiving. Maybe because we are not asking. Maybe, because we only ask when we need ‘a’ favor.

Maybe, just maybe, because our envy of another’s favor is blinding us to the favor upon us.

And surrounding, surveilling, subtly subverting in all of this is an adversary, an accuser always inquiring ‘Did the Father really say…?’ Always inviting away from home and to a far country. A father of lies, always sowing anxiety that maybe, in fact, there is no inheritance. Nothing, indeed, to receive.

But we are sons of a good Father. A good Father who knew us from the beginning, who sees us where we are now and rejoices over us. Who is inclined toward us, looking to our needs and tending to our circumstances. Who has provided for today and prepared an inheritance for tomorrow. Who is proclaiming goodwill toward us, as sons at rest in the presence of the Son.

And it may be that’s when we sense this favor, this charis: when we rest. Rest from the striving. Rest from the straining to understand ‘God’s will’ and instead receive ‘God’s good-will’. Rest from defending doctrines of grace and instead receive the delight of divine favor.

Rest, and receive as a son. That seems to be a favor-able conclusion that even Dr. Jones could get behind.

“And the child grew and became strong, filled with wisdom. And the favor of God was upon him.” Luke 2:40